DayDream

 The Spring weather was welcomed happily by Kaya. That day was warmer than usual, no one would even think it was raining heavily the previous day.  She was glad her family’s backyard had a big tree with enough shade to lay under. Days like that were even better when one had a cold popsicle to go with it.

With the cherry popsicle melting down her wrist and the rays of light making their way past the tree leaves to gently hit her skin, she was content. At that very moment she could even forget the screaming match that was happening inside the house. It was a common occurrence at this time of the day. Sometimes Kaya wondered if they had a timer that went off in their heads, alerting them to find reasons to why they hated each other. 

She didn’t pay the noise any mind, deciding to enjoy the world around her. She paid close attention to the ants making two perfectly straight lines above her. Every time she laid in that particular spot under the shade of the tree. She would see the ants move in those perfect lines. Going up and down the tree bark. She was always amazed by the sync the ants had. She would watch the ones going down the make their way to the grass and go on their different journeys. Inevitably ending up where they started. 

Going up the tree in yet another perfectly straight line, delivering their findings to the colony. She wished her life was that simple, days spend with noting on one’s mind but bettering the colony. As her mind wandered, Kaya imagined herself shrinking down to the size of an ant, seamlessly blending into their bustling domain. She pictured herself joining their orderly lines, contributing to the greater purpose of the community. With each passing thought, her desire to escape her family's chaos grew stronger.

In her daydream, Kaya imagined the ants accepting her as one of their own, recognizing her yearning for stability and peace. She envisioned herself carrying tiny loads alongside them, navigating the intricate paths of the tree, and working diligently to support the collective well-being. As the cherry popsicle continued to melt, its sticky sweetness clinging to her wrist, Kaya felt a sense of freedom in her imagination. She relished the idea of a life where her only concern was fulfilling her duties within the ant colony. No more arguments, no more tears—just a world of simplicity and purpose.

She longed for that sense of stability, for that lack of chaos. All her life she’s only known the opposite. Having to hear her family bicker about the smallest things to one another. Having to be the one that brings the peace into the family. Peace that never seemed to last. Life without the screaming and crying. She watched as the ants moved up and down, in and out the tree bark. A small smile playing on her face. 

At this point plates started breaking. She listened as one, two, three dishes were thrown on the wall. It was probably her mother throwing them at her father. Their screams made Kaya uneasy, and the sound pierced her tranquility. All this caused Kaya’s smile to fade. Listening to the chaos escalating within the house made her heart sink. It was a painful reminder of the turmoil that seemed to always linger just beneath the surface of her family's life. 

A few moments passed before the commotion died down, with a heavy sigh, Kaya sat up and brushed the grass off her clothes. She yearned for the peace she had just witnessed in the orderly world of the ants. In their realm, there was no room for resentment, anger, or broken dishes. 

Kaya contemplated her own role in bringing peace to her family. Always being the mediator was draining her very existence. Why her family couldn’t see past their own problems was a mystery to her. She walked towards the door leading to the kitchen. The sun’s rays landed on her back but the warmth they carried was no longer there. 

Inside the kitchen Kaya’s father was crouched by the sink, collecting the pieces of the plates she had heard breaking. Her mother was by the island watching with anger still laced on her face. The ingredients for that night’s dinner were in front of her. Kaya thought of offering to help prepare the meal, but she knew that would somehow lead to its own argument. Her parents didn’t bother to look at her when she made her way to her bedroom, she was happy they didn’t. 

She threw herself on the bed ready to shut out the outside world yet again. The only thing that was running through her mind was “One more year.” She had one more year to endure it all, one more year until she could escape the chaos. She would be going to varsity, one that was far away from all the drama. She smiled at the thought of that, these days that thought was the only thing bringing her peace. Slowly drifting off to her nap. She envisioned herself driving away into the sunset and never looking back. The dreams that followed were filled with melted popsicles and perfectly coordinated lines.